


The Royal Scam

by RGmolpus



Series: You Are Warned! [10]
Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: Crime, Fraud, Gen, Time Period: First Cetagandan War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:54:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21855589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RGmolpus/pseuds/RGmolpus
Summary: How Yuri and Ezar Vorbarra financed the Cetagandan war.....Alternate history at it's finest!
Series: You Are Warned! [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1221524
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	The Royal Scam

There is an apocryphal story from the long history of Subic Bay in the Philippines. Supposedly, a new base commander arrived, and did an inspection of the base perimeter, visiting all the gates. 

At the end of the tour; as he was talking with his staff, someone noticed that they had visited fourteen gates, but only thirteen were on the guard roster... Say what?

Investigations were made, and it was discovered that some local entrepreneurs had commandeered an unused gate, creating an entrance to the base that was under their control. they had several (stolen?) military trucks, so they could drive to any warehouse on base, present official looking requisitions, and drive away with free supplies. 

A bit more digging reveled that several clerks in the Quartermaster's office were in on the scam; creating false requisitions, then trashing them to remove all traces of the theft.

Quite a lovely, ingenious, and very profitable fraud.

People went to jail, and better controls were put in place to stop - or reduce - this sort of crime.

(Spin forward to 2005, on an army base in the Middle East; two TCN (Third Country Nation) workers on the base smuggled a brand new clothes washer and dryer off base, with the cooperation of other, same nation TCNs. The second time they tried it, they were caught, with much weeping from those who had had their own scams ended with the greater supervision. I was there, I knew the people involved.)

So, what if......

The Vor are based on the initial managerial population of the Colony, they have traditions of running the colony - that's what the Vor are - the managers, low and high, of everything (well, almost everything).

Being a Vor was to be a manager, or a business owner. Running a large estate - much less a District - meant you were good at business management. 

Yuri and Ezar were sitting in a remote cabin, soon after Dorca had promoted them to Colonel; sharing a bottle of Gin.

Piotr Vorkosigan was a Field Marshall, quite a bit higher in rank; but he had been protege of Count Pierre Vorrutyer, who was the best, nastiest, most capable General on Barrayar. They'd get their General's stars soon enough...

Somewhere in the middle of the bottle of Gin, Yuri had an idea. (This is often a very bad thing... it isn't, this time)

"The Ceta's just opened another Ration factory, over in Vordrozah's district. Making fifty thousand cases a month, so they say. " said Yuri.

Ezar blinked back "And we are missing meals, damnit."

"So, what if we had a talk with the shipping manager, and he got patriotic and gave us the shipping orders on occasion. Be a lot easier to grab a few truckloads, if we knew where they were going.."

Lightbulbs goes on above Yuri, Ezar and the Gin Bottle.

A few week later, a mid-level manager gets woken at two AM; with an offer he (and his wife) can't refuse.

The shipment losses from that factory go up a few percent; not much, but the Patriotic forces in the hills enjoy the extra food.

Soon, each factory the Ceta's have started have small shipping problems. Not much, but... the crumbs add up.

It's much easier to run a rebellion when your opponent is supplying you.

Yuri realizes he's found the perfect weakness in the Cetagandan Occupation. They are determined to include a component of the native population in their commercial and government structure - supposedly 'Safe' people who will do the mindless operation work to keep the economy, and the Military going. Appeals to patriotism can work, but facing a man at two AM with the choice of cooperation, or a slow trip for his family thru a sausage grinder, means that a quick-witted and determined Military commander can slowly control the Supply and Logistics command of his enemy.

Yuri learned not playing nice from Pierre "Le Sanguinaire" Vorrutyer and Piotr 'Bloody Hands' Vorkosigan. Ezar sat in on the lessons.

Slowly, Yuri got his fingers in all parts of the Ceta bureaucracy - all except the active duty military command structure. He didn't want to diddle with combat units; but if he had his fingers around the QM officers, or the engineering staff - what fun he had! Combat operation meant orders for supplies went to the QM branch - and from that Yuri, Ezar, Piotr, and others knew what the Cetas were about to do. 

Much easier to fight a battle when you are issued copies of the operation orders.

This was a dangerous game; Yuri and Ezar knew that security on their side was critical - they had two independent security teams monitoring all the moles and turncoats inside the Ceta bureaucracy - and people who talked had very fatal accidents - as did their families soon after. War isn't nice - and the Vorbarra Boys weren't. 

Yuri's biggest scam started when he discovered a Ceta Ghem General who had three Playgirls in his harem - to the irritation of his Ghem Wife. This was a weakness that Yuri intended to exploit - to the fullest.

The Ceta high command had been debating creating several 'Sepoy' Regiments, combat units filled with 'loyal' Barrayarans, led by Ceta officers. These troops could do much of the 'safer' patrolling - engineering work in places; freeing Ceta troops for field operations. This General had opposed the idea - until Yuri showed him his collection of sausage grinders at two AM. The pile of Ceta banknotes that were part of the other option may have swayed the General's mind.

The General then switched his mind, and pushed for the creation of more Sepoy units - to Yuri's delight.

Barrayaran's flocked to the recruiting stations - eager to join the Cetagandan Army. 

They were very Loyal - but to whom? There wasn't enough Fast Penta to test everyone - and did it matter if the people doing the testing saluted General Yuri's photo every morning?

The Sepoy troops sped thru basic training - and then into specialist schools - and slowly large sections of the Cetagandan Military was filled with smiling, efficient, effective - Soldiers?

The Cetagandan General staff loved this - three extra field divisions were organized; from enlisted and officers freed from staff duties by the Sepoys. Great! The Sepoy Regiments were equipped with second-tier equipment - slug throwing rifles, not the fancy plasma pistols and rifles; the rations were second rate, not the high-quality rice and bean paste that Ceta troop deserved, but lower-tier food pouches.

A factory was started, in a pacified, friendly district, to produce the slugthrowers - based on on old design from Earth history - the AK-74. Cheap, stamped metal, fast to produce. The ammunition was easy to produce as well.

And Yuri had a few word with the QA inspectors - and a few percent of rejected receiver stamping, trigger groups, and barrels were better than they appeared to be. Once a month, crates of rejected parts went to salvage companies... but where did they go from there..

Ezar laughed, standing in a hidden factory as officially sub-standard parts were made very standard. Boxes of rejected ammo casings went into loading machines, to meet all standards on the other end.

When your enemy is such a friend... why complain?

Slowly the combat efficiency of the Cetagandan army of Occupation dwindled. Combat operations became meaningless - how did those hillfolk bastards keep losing in ways that were so - useless?

Then, Yuri pulled off his greatest scam - He needed to confer with Prince Xav, after Dorca died; to learn directly what Prince Xav was arranging. How could he do this? Xav dare not travel to Barrayar - Ceta security kept a constant watch on him; so how?

One of the Sepoy commanders looked like Yuri - tall straight - handsome. He was from a minor Ghem family - which was why he'd been assigned as commanding officer to the Sepoy troops. He was getting field experience, which looked good on his record; helped with his promotion chances.

Until he had a special visitor one night, while in the field.

He could get intimate with the meat grinders; or get the account number of a very well-stocked bank account on Jackson's Whole. Lots of digits were involved. 

All he had to do was request leave to Komarr, and take some of his Sepoy subalterns with him when he went.

Simple, Easy, just don't ask questions about new faces.

Seven figure bank accounts are persuasive.

So are polished and gleaming meat grinders and the knives sitting beside them. (Yuri promised that his -remains- would be kept together for eventual burial - see those food grade plastic tubs?)

Soon the Regiment had a new native Second Lieutenant; who turned out for his first parade in immaculate dress. He drilled his company with precision; executed all his duties with grace and style. It soon became the best company in the Regiment - as a reward he was selected to accompany the Colonel on his vacation to Komarr. 

Quite an honor!

(You can guess who enjoyed the trip more...)

Once back, the account number and passwords were turned over; Yuri kept his word.

Eventually, the Ceta Government decided to depart - this 'Easy' conquest had turned into a nightmare morass of constant losses - as a final 'Thao Dyass!" to the General who had been such a constant problem, his district Capital was destroyed. Nukes, lots of well-salted nukes. 

They'd show him what scorched earth operations were!

Yuri sat back, in his reclaimed ancestral home; graciously accepting the surrender of all Ceta civilians, assuring the Diplomat from Eta Ceta that they could leave in a protected, orderly fashion. All Ceta Government property was signed over to Yuri's government; and a large delivery of gold, silver, platinum and osmiridium ingots was credited to Barrayaran accounts on Beta Colony, Escobar, and old Earth. 

And Yuri, Ezar, and Piotr drank from an old, old, old bottle of gin that night.


End file.
